Long time, no post

Here is what has been going on in my life since August of 2008.

In September, my wife, Amelia, found out that her mother was stopping treatment to battle leiomyosarcoma (a very aggressive cancer of the soft tissue). A little background: she lost her father, Tony, to cancer in April of 2008. A few days prior to his death, I was able to purchase one, affordable, last minute ticket for my wife to fly home. She was upset that I could not be there, but the price for two tickets was astronomical, and would have put us in a fiscal ditch. Amelia was able to fly to Denver, bid her father Godspeed, and fly home. Her father passed away the next day. Amelia's two or three days at home was not enough time, and she regreted not being there earlier to spend as much time as possible. This brings us back to our prompt decision to leave a great life in Florida, and be with her mother in the darkest hour. One day after finding out the bad news, we in notice to resign from our respective staff positions. Photography and visual storytelling have always been my passions, but one thing is for sure: family is, and will always be my top priority. Three weeks later (via Atlanta, Vicksburg, Dallas and Duncan), in mid-October, we were home in Denver to help care for Caroline. It was sweet at first. Caroline was up and around, joking, playing with baby Henry, but increasingly in more and more pain. We knew what was playing out before our eyes, so a constant presence was essential. Every conversation ended with "I love you," because we did not know when the last breath would come. In 2000, when my mother lost her battle with pancreatic cancer, I made sure to repeat these words as much as possible, because together they are the ultimate truth in a great mother-son relationship. For more than a month, we sat by Caroline's bed, Tony's clothes still in the same place as when he breathed his last breath. Every action was contemplated, especially if Caroline was awake, so we could maximize every hour, minute and second to hold her hand, kiss her forehead, stroke her skin and talk about stories of the past. I think my silence throughout this process was caused from regrets in not being with my mom when she died. I constantly thought about how scared she must have been, knowing that there was a defined window to live out dreams, and that most would not be realized. For years, I beat myself up for not being there to comfort her, and let her know that she was the best mother a boy could ask for. To this day, I still think about it... A lot. I guess that is why my words were reserved for Amelia, to comfort her, and let her know that she is the best wife a man could ask for... That those characteristics were learned from a caring, loving familial matriarch, who dedicated her life to family and their well-being. But these words were of little sollace when we began to hear "the death rattle," and understandably so. These sounds are a harbinger of death, an end to a hard-fought battle with a serial killer that has many faces, and signify that life will forever change for the Cook, Flock, Mattson and many other families who were graced with Caroline's smile, presence, motherly love and gentle demeanor. When I heard this, it all came rushing back: the day I asked Caroline and Tony for their daughter's hand in marriage, the first time I met Amelia's father, a PhD who stood 6"7 and scared the hell out of me on a physical and intellectual level ("I'm much shorter and nowhere near as smart as this man," I thought), the times we shared during visits in Florida, her voice, ability to play music, and acceptance of me as another son. The emotion was raw, impossible to grasp as her time on Earth dwindled. The day of her death, I had to go to work for training at my new job as a ramp agent for Frontier Airlines, not knowing when the end would arrive. On November 3, 2008, I received the call I hoped and prayed would not come, and left work to get home. Caroline Cook passed away.

Our lives since have been day to day, week to week, month to month, raising our young man to be a happy and bubbly baby. I am starting to make photographs again, while working as a ramp agent for the great benefits, advancing through an airline corporate structure as Hub Loadmaster and Coordinator-in-training. Who knows where these two jobs will take us? Life has not been easy, but has been fun and filled with family time. However, I miss newspapers. I miss making photographs on a daily basis. I miss deadlines, softboxes, the sound of a clicking shutter, assignments for the New York Times, and most of all the company of my friends, both past and present, at the Sarasota Herald-Tribune.

There will certainly be more updates, especially as the assignments roll in, and our son continues to grow.

Be well.